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04:38pm 16/09/2005
mood: chipper
he slid the diamond earings accross the table and said "this is because i love you". then he slid the rin across the table and said,"and this is because i want to spent the rest of my life with you"...

le sigh so romantic....
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11:54am 14/09/2005
  I have a dream, and im gonna follow it, and i am willing to do what ever it takes to get there. I have never wanted something this much that i cant even keep myy head up anymore, Droping out of college was the best thing i could do to start where i needed to. I REALLY WANT AIP so bad, to day janine jones from aip the Admissions counsler called and emailed me...this is wat she wrote.

Dear Ashley,

I am so sorry you are unhappy with your college. I am very concerned
about you and the fact you feel you are wasting your time. How far
along are you in your classes? I am willing to work with you to get you
here. I know that financial aid and money are a big concern for you.
We work as a team here to make this a reality for you. Is it too late
for you to drop your classes?

I know you are working hard to save the money to come here. That shows
your dedication to your education. If you were to come to Pittsburgh
the college can help you find a part time job. You have experience at
Mc Donald's and I am sure you would have no trouble finding a job here.
Let me know how I can help you out. I do not like to see that you are
so upset. Please get in contact with me ASAP. Do your parents know how
unhappy you are? I will be looking forward to hearing from you. Not to
push you into anything but we still have room in our October 3rd class.
There are students just like you enrolling everyday.

Janine Jones
Assistant.Director of Admissions
The Art Institute of Pittsburgh
1-800-275-2470 ext. 6317

:( i have so many mixed emotions right now. im happy im sad, idk if i can go. I NEED IT>
12:59pm 13/09/2005

wOw life is stressful. lets leave it at that. I start my new job friday(target0 so all you bitches can come see me and junk,
Im partly back at home, but hopefully grant and i will have our own house shortly...also i am looking for another job, maybe waitressing
so if anybody may know of anything please please, let me know..mmmk thats all folks oh and im not goign to school right know im going to drop my classes tomorrow....I HAE COLLEGE RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!

01:19pm 30/08/2005
  So i started college, I LOVE IT, it isnt as bad as i thought it was gonna be, but then again it is still the first day, yeah for one class i aleady have 19 pages of home work and a test on thursday, but other than that i have met many peple, and my teachers so far are so awesome, i have my math class at 2:30 so i have to go back to school in a bit, othr than that i have been packing getting ready to move, Oh i also got a job at Target, which is so cool i get really good discounts and stuff I start here in like a week and a 1/2 so i cankiss mcdonalds good bye....IM so tired, early class sucks lol, but it will be worth it in the end. well as of now we are still moving out so i will maybe b gone by friday, I dont really want to considering my lover lives here and my life is here, but we'll see.  
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...........So :ife is really starting to suck as you all can tell, why else would i be updateing? an   
01:28am 27/08/2005

My stress level is at about breaking point, I really hate getting screwed over time and time again.

 Sometimes life plays a roll of unfair events, that even I cant understand why. I understand everything. I am going to college and stressing over it because it is something i had to settle for because my parents wouldnt help me or let me go out of state. How am i suppost to follow my dreams if i am being held back? Its not fair. sometimes all i can do is sit back and cry because i feel bad that my scholarships are being wasted. i mean to a point that is. i really had high hopes for college and i didnt think it was gonna be so hard even befor classes start. I guess the main reason im so upset is because, I always knew that one day I would have my chance to make my impression in life one that lived on even after i moved on....I got into a really good college, and i couldnt go...and to me it feels like that chance is gone for me. Idk why i am taking it so hard, it just i want to be a somebody that isnt like anybody else, and  every body is going to school to be doctors or lawyers or business, and i dont want to be any of those, i dont even care about the money in the making of it. I just want my chance. 

On top of all this school bullcrap, jim and mom are fighting again, im about to go crazy, Im so ready to say screw it and move in with my dad, i just couldnt leave grant and the ride to work would suck on top of  gas prices.

Love life...ehh its normal i guess, grant was suppost to take me on a date tonight you no dinner and a movie, maybe even some flowers....ahh didnt happen. but its ok, after i about broke down, he took me to the park then we rented a movie and came back to my house, "alot like love" yeah stupid move. any way he is sleeping right now, i left him in the other room because he freeked out on me and i didnt want to listen to him bitch.

I dont no why i have the feelins that i do, its just life used to be so good, i resently started going back to church with my dad, and that helps for a little bit, but then things start going back to normal. And the funny thing about all of this is  when i get like this it is for like months then ill go back to feeling normal, and then its all over again. I need some ideas to taking my mind off things somethign that might actually work.

it is now 1:56am and i have to be up at 7am for work......this is gonna be a bad day, but after work i get to hang out with my dad for a little while. he will help me feel better...i hope.

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Last Night Was So Amazing.(along with details of the weekend)   
09:33am 09/08/2005

so I get home and first thing when i wake up I go see Grant, well now im not gonna talk about the entire day in detail until the end, anyways after goign through a long wait i finally see him and he runs up to me and kisses me, and holds me in his arms,and i could not have been so happy to see him. well later that daywe went out to his dads, then to walmart, then toget icecream and sushi, then we rented a movie and went back to his house, (the diary of a mad black women) that movie is awesome, well after the movie grant and i headed to his room. where he held me all night and kissed me and told me how much he missed me and how he loved holding me and wanted to forever.....he is so the best ever,,,then this morning when  left, he shouts across the room, " I miss you already" :> *SO IN LOVE*

anyways on to my weekend.

Friday Night-  We Arrive in Salam ILL, Along with the rest of my moms side of the family. We all got together for a huge bbq. I was so excited i hadent seen my cousins from Idaho in 8 years, and my cousins from down there in almost 3. Then, after we all hung out and ate dinner , i was so tird from the trip I desided to head to bed for the night.

Saturday- Saturday we got the grand tour of my aunts new house and town. Her house sits on 6 acers, with her  house 1/4 of a mile off the road in the woods, she has 3 bathrooms, and 3 bedrooms, 2 ffices, and a huge TV. Were talking like 58 in of pure T.V.  Then after, all of us headed to my aunt charity's house, she livews in Ina, 40 miles south of My aunt Beth. we all hung out there for a while then desided to head back, well we had dinner then aunt beth took becky and i to town to rent some movies, ahh we watched them and then went to bed.

Sunday- we went to a dead end dinner for brunch then me mom and becky drove back to ina to visit again then at 5 headed back, and thn got on the road to ome home, we got home at 5:30 am.....

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heres to the girl.   
10:53pm 27/07/2005
mood: depressed

sometimes I go alittle to indept whit what i am feelingwith myself, and other odds and ends. sometimes i feel like i dont tell enough. sometimes i hold it all in. today i will tell of which i feel.

Grant thinks im cheating on him,, with whom im so courious. his reason " well ever sinceyou got a car you arn up my ass anymore"...well the answer to that my dear it.....Because i dot like lways stting on my ass i am an up and go kinda girl and im not gonna sit around on my ass and do nothing, even when im broke there are still things to do.

im so bored right now Grant and i were suppost to hang out but he never called me....(and im cheating on him)...anyway i finally called him and he was like oh i wasnt planing on staying here all night and im really tired so i dont think were going to hang out tonight...its cool, i just hate how he forgets about me and i am waiting on him all night...

I feel really depressd tonight..idk i think its because i didnt get any sleep last night and i got woke up at the ass crack of dawn.....by whom i would like to call my brother asking fora ride to work. so i take h im, come home and just lay down again and he calls me again telling me he isnt workig that i need to come get him... yeah i have a car now and i can so tell....ashley is an escort service now.


Ahhh what ever....so i guess i am going to college after all...im going to WCCC....yeha i dont care atleast its college..and they didnt treat me like sh it either which is a plus,,,,

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Ahh ..   
02:45pm 24/07/2005
mood: awake
SO yes can you believe it i am home, i kind of like it not being here 1. i dont have any rules,2 i dont have to ask to do anything. 3 i dont have jim to deal with, 4. I Fucking love it...on top of it i get to spend more time with my wonderfulness other half.....umm.. yeah last ngithwas fun, grant, shayla, matt, me mike, brittany, dave, and ummm me we all hung out,, but half of us only ended up stayingwe were out until like 2am..haha and no checking in..ooving it again...I so yeah summer is beginning to turn out ok. so now i am off to a birthday party ...umm then grant is takig me to the movies..peace ..
Things that are really bothering me   
10:46am 23/07/2005

Thses past few days have  been so stressful that i have seriously  been getting sick. Grant told me that he didnt like my " oh i dont feel good" attitude...which is a dickish thing for him to say when i am nothing but good to him when he is sick or just plan and general, yeah i will admitt i was wrong last night to do what i did, but i mean we had a total miss understanding, and he wouldnt even listen to me. thats what i hate most, is he never listens to me. And then im always wrong. I wish there wer eway to work on better communication with each other.

Not going to college...yeah i really feel like a loser Thhe one thing that i wanted most, and a fuckinf community college told me i wasnt good enought evn though i m a stright A student..i have an idea maybe if i wrap my head in a towel things may have went a little smoothly. I really want AIP so much i just wish i could have the help and support from my parents.

my car yeah its a peice like woah......lesigh....its running again though

Monday i have an interview for lifetouch photo at starbucks on michigan AV....only if he disides 17 isnt to young.

I feel so sick , i dont even no what kind of feeling it is really.

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11:42pm 21/07/2005
  ok so life today sucked ass....To make a long story short..HFCC is A sad Excuse for a school..im proud to say i am going to collect my refund and not going to attend school there...piss on them....any questions ask... to make my day any worse..i get a fucking parking ticket..are you serious..and get this it is because i parked the wrong way on a 2 way street WTF..there is no signs saying i couldnt park there ..so i yelled at the cop and told him i would see him in court....i also asked him if he could just give me a warning since i didnt no that and i was only parked there for 2 minutes tops, and he goees that is your warning....man  
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wow, im getting the hang of this updating thing now....   
11:07pm 13/07/2005
mood: depressed

so i can't say that its been long time since i have updated, but what i can say is that i got into The Art Institute of pittsburgh, this i am so excited about but....Grant is going into the navy for 4 years...when he told me that the other day i didnt no what to think, i just started balling. i want him to do what s best for him, i just know that im going to miss him so freeking much, i have never been so emotionally attached to anybody like i am with him, and tonight i was afride to let him go. I want him and i to be together forever. but i only think its gonna be harder if both of us go away.hes afride that im gonna find some college guy that makes good money and that will treat me right .. but let me tell you guys something sure grant and i have our bad days, but i have never been with someone that has reated me this well. money for me is not an issue nor will it ever be, i think love is far more important (he begs to differ). i dont understand everything.

The Art Institute of pittsburgh is a really good oppertunity for me, the classes i will be taking are amazing..and i get so excited thinking about it. but the price is kinda pricy....all i know it i need to make my mind up quick....and im scared  may make the wrong decision.

i just got a root canal done today, and i look like alvin and the chipmunks.....grant was making fun of me all night....i cant help i lookcute.


Grant- Babe i love you so much. its so hard to put any amount of word to it, i hope the navy is somethign u really wantto do, and i wish you all the luck with it, i want you to know that when you come home ill be right here waiting for you no matter what.....you are my everything and i could not live without you again......just remmber ashley ruterford dosnt sound that bad ;)


I wish love didnt have to hurt so bad ........

so now that i am a reck and really confused i will go......

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Wyandotte fire works!!!   
12:48am 10/07/2005
mood: horny

july 2nd.....andCollapse )

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what up past month?!?!   
10:42am 06/07/2005

Do you ever wonder if the person your with, is going to be the person you spend the rest of you life wiht?....i know im young (which is said often)...butwhat is the difference of feelings at 17 then they are at 50...yeah a little older and much more...but seriously LOVE is LOVE. sure grant and i have or rides on the emitional rollercoster, and every relashionship problems but 10 minutes we are perfectly normal like nothing ever happend, and yes he pisses me off alont and there are some thigns about him i will never fully understand about him...but its worth trying.....if he loves me it worth work on. i have never been so in love with one person and have been os sure about it. Is it normal to feel the feeling to your toes ever time he kisses you?...wow!! love is awesome indeed, :) almost one year and i couldnt be happier....(three if you count the non offical dating)

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the sound of the storm is keeping me sane.   
06:55pm 21/06/2005

-/ I'm home, where i really dont feel like being.
-/ Im sick again, but a little more on the serious side.
-/ I have to get surgery either way i go.
-/ Im sick of myself.
-/ Im stressed, because that is just what work has done to me.
-/ Im 17, and i have more problems than a 50 year old women.
-/ Im scared, that im gonna lose all the good things i have going.


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so much to talk about.   
03:16pm 07/06/2005

OK class of "2005" only one more day left of hell.

I can hardly wait to walk across that stage, grab that deploma, and run like  hell, im sure many of you feel the same way. Although im kind of pist because In choir every year we do a senior song, and we only spend about 1  day working on it, and alot of the choir seniors are very upset that we are not getting to sing our senior song.. it suck i mean we waited AONG time to get to where we are just to get our very own senior song, and now we have none..and i know this issue may seem lame and all, but i am seriously pist about this issue.

On a thiner note, i am gong to look at the Apartment on thrusday you can't beat $400 a month all included.... Also i more than likely got the job at the mall(Dakota watch)..mmk the lady was nuts but funny.she told me to call her on te monday after my graduation party which just incase anybody for got is on JUNE 18th......EERYONE is invited btw.

 Friday ryan and i are going to HFCC to take that lame test t get placed in our classes...wooo can hardly wait, just getting out of school and already trying to go back LOL yeah right....

This summer is going to be amazing.. mandy, jess, tony, ness ryan, n ick, joe, grant, brittany, bethany, amber....lets make this summer the best mmmmk....

Ok so i bought my first car..yes it is a piece of grabage, but it runs, low miles and only a little rust, and last but not least is was only $600...now that is a poor kid budget right there..it is a 1988 taurus and it has only had one oner since it was made....AWESOME so now i can  joine the world in traveling motion.. also plus my dad is gonna put me on his car insurance until i get out of college..YAY!....so  now i feel like one of them little shitheads that get everything but im really not i h avnt bought new shoes in like 6 months...so sadd lol... ok so now it is picture time.....


memorial dayCollapse )

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11:09pm 02/06/2005
mood: depressed
Very Stressful week... I just whis half of you knew what was going on right now...today has to be the worse....

i ned alot of support right now
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8 days and counting   
02:04pm 27/05/2005

So, today i left school early, i couldnt stand being around people for another minute....they tend to piss me off, and yeah so since grant was leaving anyways at lunch i asked him to give me a ride and he had a problem with it so i was like f uck it then im walking home. any ways im home now,

so much shit has been going on around here. seriously i am going to go nuts......but that is usual, grant got kicked out of his house, ao we ar going to be looking for somethign of our own soon, I got in to Harrington college of design for digital photography, but i dont no if i can go becasue for just the 2 years im goign to be there it is gonna be $80,000 and i will be in debpt for life.

grant is taking me to see the longest yard tonight after work, it all depends though.how im feeling and junk...geezi dont even know what to say i kinda think live journal is lame and i would raher be spending my time doing somthing way better than this but ya know.. it just a litle somethign to do to take up some time...... below are a few prom pics of my grant and i.


PROMCollapse )
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01:04am 24/05/2005
  TOday i relized how much i actually love grant, yeah we have our problems, but nothing could ever change the way i feel about him. and one day we will be married lol and have little babies, and our own house. and i will never devorce him because i believe that if you love somebody that much there is always a way around your problems.Could i see myself wiht grant 50 years from now..yes i in-fact can.  
06:28pm 22/05/2005

Prom was amazing....


After party fuckng priceless....


PROM SEX......... :)

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03:47pm 19/05/2005

so lately i have been working on  finding my true self, and i learned you cant be something your not. there are so many sterotypes out there, andd peopl are so worried about fitting into one that they dont remember who they really are. I on the other hand gave it some though, i am just myself, sure a little retro which most consider me, but thats it really, i dont wear trends because they are in, i dont like haveing the same anythign as anybody else, and if i do i get something new, ilike to be original, and thats how im gonna stay.


yo cant label a retro girl<A href=Collapse )

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